none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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