Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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