just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Holy sore nipples Batman
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
