Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
