tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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