and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
