were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
false alarm, still single
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