College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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