took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
