farters have to be the big spoon...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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