there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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