but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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