oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
