so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
