So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like, not good at living.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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