Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
