Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
