Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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