My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
