He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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