That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
