True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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