I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
