Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
