I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
