saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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