none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
