Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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