I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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