dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
