In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
