im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
