Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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