so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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