can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
