You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
