God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I puked a lego.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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