We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
