May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
