My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
someone owes me an orgasm
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
