I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
