I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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