I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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