ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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