you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
