God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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