So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
