I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
