Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if only i could text you this smell
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
