You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So vagazzling was a success
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
