The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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