the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
