Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
