R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
