I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
