as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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