dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
