tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
