forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
vagina is talking i cant
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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