so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize