Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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