the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
