Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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