Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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