is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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