Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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