He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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