At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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